Suicide Awareness Month: Monday Myths #2

Trigger Warning: Suicide and suicidal ideation

Is this proof of Bigfoot? Image source: Our State

September is National Suicide Awareness Month (in the US, but I’m choosing to adopt it for the UK). This is the second in a set of 4 attempts to bust some of the key myths about suicide – and offer some advice about what to do instead.

Today we are looking at the Catch 22 of myths concerning suicide – that it is equally common to believe that “you just never know…” and “these are the things to watch out for that definitely mean…” if someone is feeling suicidal and/or has plans.

Like all myths, there is some truth in both – apparently contradictory as they might seem -but to uncritically accept either can be literally dangerous.

For complex reasons – not least feelings of shame and confusion – those struggling can become quite efficient at presenting a positive face to the world. Every year on World Suicide Prevention Day I see people bravely share pictures taken when they were feeling at their very worst – often smiling: see here for an example. Even if asked directly, we may tell you everything is fine. I know stories where people closest to them express complete disbelief that they hadn’t noticed anything before an attempt.

So. It can 100% be true that someone struggling in this way gives zero clues or warning signs.

But.

It can also be completely true that signs were or are there to be seen. Of course, any of the following may be indicating nothing or something else completely – but the more of these you spot happening for one person, the more likely it is that they are struggling:

• expressing strong feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness and/or guilt and shame
• withdrawing – spending lots of time alone or not wanting to be around friends and family
• losing interest in daily life or things they usually enjoy
• saying things like “I wish I wasn’t here”, “I can’t go on”, “I can’t take it anymore”, or “people would be better off without me”
• losing interest in their appearance
• talking, writing or drawing a lot about death
• giving away their possessions
• seeming very agitated and/or behaving in ways that seem strange or out of character
• using drugs or alcohol to help them cope when they’re struggling – these can intensify thoughts, feelings and impulsive decision-making

(The above list is from the ever-excellent Young Minds, who also offer excellent support to young people and parents in all sorts of helpful ways).

So, what can we do?

It is easy to feel powerless, helpless even – but the truth is that when someone is struggling, any help and support you can offer can make a huge amount of difference.

If someone discloses that they have thoughts of suicide or self-harm always take it seriously. Sadly, people will often struggle to admit (perhaps even to themselves) how dark things feel, but offering sympathy and whatever empathy you can will shine at least a little light.

It can be tempting to say things like it could be worse or list things they have to live for, but this is unlikely to be helpful – in fact it can make things feel heavier. Instead, say how sorry you are that this is how they feel, ask if there are things that sometimes help them feel lighter or to feel more positive emotionally.

Spend time with them. It doesn’t have to be all about the main issue – helping them with basics like shopping or life management can really help, as can just being a mate.

Don’t be afraid of addressing the subject head-on. Asking them if they are feeling suicidal and/or if they have made any plans.

Watch this powerful video from Papyrus for a little more insight: Cate’s story

Other Myths in the series:

Myth 1: “Only certain types of people have suicidal ideas”

Myth 3: “The simple set of reasons behind suicidal thoughts”

Myth 4: “You must never talk to someone about suicide“

A postscript: “Post suicide awareness, erm, awareness”