Suicide Awareness Month: Monday Myths #4

Trigger Warning: Suicide and suicidal ideation

Sisyphus and that darn rock. Image credit: xat-ch via pixabay

September is National Suicide Awareness Month (in the US, but I’m choosing to adopt it for the UK). This is the fourth in a set of 4 attempts to bust some of the key myths about suicide – and offer some advice about what to do instead.

Today, let’s have a think about a pretty pervasive myth: You must never talk about suicide with anyone, as it will only give them ideas. And anyway, can you really change their mind?

This one almost always comes up when I am delivering any kind of Mental Health or Wellbeing training. It is very common – and understandable for a few reasons:

1. Talking about this stuff can be hard – for both the person struggling and anyone trying to help.
2. It is perfectly reasonable to worry that what you say might make things worse.
3. There is still a strong set of social taboos around suicide and self-harm.

The last point is exactly why talking about it can be the most helpful thing you can ever do – and why I often reflect that the most important part of any training I do is the anti-stigma elements.

I could tell you a few stories where a phone call, face-to-face conversation or even text messages have made all the difference. Often both people may feel desperate and stressed – one because they are being vulnerable about how they feel (perhaps for the first time) and the other because, well what can I say to help?!?

I’ve been on both ends of these conversations… Sometimes very brief, sometimes much longer.

Every mental health organisation agrees how essential and helpful talking can be:

“Asking someone if they’re having suicidal thoughts can give them permission to tell you how they feel and let them know they are not a burden”
(Samaritans)

“Talking about suicide not only reduces the stigma, but also allows individuals to seek help, rethink their opinions and share their story with others”
(Everymind)

“Most people with suicide thoughts and behaviours do not actually want to die. But they do not want to live the life they currently have; they do change their minds and may want to be saved”
(University of London)

Talking about it can be really hard. But unless you are deliberately trying to make things worse, it is incredibly unlikely that you will.

Giving someone the gift of compassion and time can literally save their life – not by offering easy platitudes or trying to persuade them that have everything to live for (often people have concluded otherwise, and telling them off or that they would be letting others down can add to the burdens already being carried).

Sometimes, a suicidal urge can be quite fleeting – and at other times persistent and intrusive. If someone admits to these feelings, thank them for being honest, listen to what they say and how they feel, remind them that you care.

Three short but helpful presentations:
Young Minds – How to look after a young person feeling suicidal
Psych Hub – How to help a friend with suicidal thoughts
Stanford Centre for Health Education – What to say to someone who is thinking about suicide

A quick postscript – other things that people worry are pointless but can really help:

Better architectural design could prevent youth suicide (* and not just youth)
Poetics of Space and Mental Health: How Architecture Can Help Prevent Suicides
Preventing suicide (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
The Premier League’s ‘Together Against Suicide’ programme
An example of one Premier League’s ‘Memory Bench’ scheme

Other Myths in the series:

Myth 1: “Only certain types of people have suicidal ideas”

Myth 2: “You just never know…” and “these are the things to watch out for that definitely mean…” if someone is feeling suicidal and/or has plans.

Myth 3: “The simple set of reasons behind suicidal thoughts”

A postscript: “Post suicide awareness, erm, awareness”